You Might Have Good Intentions, but You Still Sound Like Spam

Warning: The following post discusses religion (though it's not exclusively about religion, only that religion prompted the post). I know people can get pretty feisty about their religious beliefs. Please keep comments kind and respectful. Comments which are not kind and respectful will be immediately deleted.

I wanted to let you know that you came to mind today and that I am praying for you. I know you "don't believe" but God is right in front of you with His arms open wide, He is a God of love Sarah!

I received the above message last week, the third or fourth in a series from the same individual. We do have some history back from our college days; however, I haven’t spoken to this person in ten years. I also have not responded to any of the messages he/she has sent me.

Some might think this makes me a bad person. Mean. Unkind. Anti-religion. I don’t believe I am any of these things. In fact, my beliefs are no greater or less important than anyone else’s, and this individual has just as much right as I do to believe what he/she wants and to not have to hide that belief. That’s what’s cool about this country, right? We can all believe different things to varying degrees, and still have the same rights as everyone else.

Where I do take issue is when messages start to sound like Jesus spam. I believe this person has very good intentions by sending me these messages. I know that this individual believes his/her intentions are noble, just, and yes, that this person even believes he/she has been commanded by God himself to reach out to me. I get that. I grew up with that.

But what I don’t appreciate is when the message isn’t backed with anything else. There is no trust (I wouldn’t tell this person much of anything about my life). There is no context (we haven’t spoken in ten years). There is no reason to continue sending such messages (I never respond).

I used to respond to these types of messages (which I’ve been getting en masse from many individuals* since ye old divorce) with a simple note of appreciation that I was in their thoughts at all. But, I grew tired long ago of the “thank you’s.”

Now it kind of pisses me off. PLEASE NOTE, IT DOESN’T PISS ME OFF BECAUSE IT’S RELIGIOUS. It pisses me off like unsolicited sales calls piss me off, like that one stupid flyer clogging my mailbox pisses me off, like those, “Hey, I know we haven’t talked in awhile, but I’m selling this awesome juice and I think you’d like to try it” messages piss me off, and like that horrible e-newsletter that I keep forgetting to unsubscribe to pisses me off.

It makes me angry because I know the message takes greater precedence than the implied intent. The implied intent is that this person cares about who I am as an individual: It’s a nice note! I was thinking about you!  The reality is, though, that the message (and the frequency of the message) shows that someone would much rather blast their agenda in my face than be my actual friend. It’s hard to feel good about someone who would rather that I cave to a religious belief than that I be happy and sound and whole in my own belief system.

There are people whom I have great respect for because their faith is such an integrated part of their lives that they don’t need to send out random e-mail blasts about it. Their beliefs bleed through their words and actions every day. They can talk about it with like-minded individuals about it for hours, I’m sure. And to those who are different? Well, that’s okay, too. If the subject ever came up in conversation, I’m sure there could be a nice, genuine discussion about it.

The messages I've been getting, though? Well, it’s like the used car salesman who only cares about his commission. You can spot those dudes from a mile away. They are about to drill you with the hard sell. They’ll be all smiles and joviality and “Hey, buddy!” but you know it’s empty because as soon as you leave, you’re forgotten.

Then there’s the salesman who has truly learned to care about people first, and product second. There’s a difference in his approach. I’d much rather buy from that guy than the other.

I’m not sure how to end here, except to say, don’t spam your friends. Don’t do it with Jesus, your acai berry juice, or your new product. Care about people first--and I mean, truly, genuinely, fiercely care about people first--and your message will inevitably be heard. I promise

*I’d like to point out that there have been many wonderful individuals from “the old days” who have continued to be my friend...without having an agenda. Men and women who have sat down with me over coffee while I cried, lent me money when I was poor, gave me a place to stay when I had nowhere else to go. If that’s not the message of Jesus personified, then I don’t know what is.

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