If you haven't yet read this post by Redhead Writing about cake (oh, but it's about so much more than confection, I assure you), you must:
1. Finish this post, then...
2. Head over there immediately and inhale that goodness. (Don't worry, I'll remind you again at the end.)
Here's a brief synopsis...lady is out on a date, and she orders a piece of chocolate cake. Here's what happened:
I knew the cake and invited it to my table. And I ate it. Now, American portions can get out of hand and I’m here to tell you – this wasn’t some Claim Jumper-sized portion of cake. It was a smidge. A sliver by truck stop proportions. And not that I have to justify it, but it wasn’t as if I was horking half a Sara Lee confection.
And my date looked at me after I finished my dessert (a half hour later — see? No horking.) and said plain as day:
“Wow. You must really have a sweet tooth.”
I blinked and replied, also plain as day, “Guilty! I love cake like a fat kid loves cake.”
To which he replied, “Well, enough cake and you’ll sure enough be the fat kid.”
Oh. Em. Gee.
But don't worry...she does the right thing. When he leaves to go to the rest room, she pays for her cake and walks out.
Good for her. And here's where I'm gonna get ranty...
I can say "good for her" because I've done it, too. I've walked out on a date. Fortunately for me, the dude wasn't an asshole. On the contrary, he had been perfectly nice, but after about forty minutes of conversation, I just knew that I'd be wasting both my time and his if I continued the evening. So, as politely as I could, I said, "I'm sorry, I'm going to have to go. I try to live a life of honesty, and I don't want to continue this evening giving you the idea that it's going to be something it's not." He said okay, and we parted ways.
Now, some people might think that was a super bitchy and awful move. I mean, if he was a nice guy, why didn't I just "stick it out?" After all, that would be the "polite" thing to do, right?
Well, I'd counter that:
1. It would have been more rude and more disingenuous to allow him to continue to think he was wooing me. It would have been one thing if we were meeting for coffee to network a blog idea. But we weren't. It was a date. And dates usually come with intentions, if not for a sweaty make-out at some point, well, then the hopes that the person you're sitting across from might be a somebody you could get to know as "more than friends."
2. It would have been unfair for me to "stick out" an evening because I felt sorry for him, or "felt bad". This is a case where I had to put myself in his shoes...would I rather some dude "stick out" an evening to spare my feelings, or politely say, "Hey, I'm getting more of a friend vibe than a date vibe," or whatever, and call the evening short? God, I'd much rather spend time with my own friends than with a guy who doesn't want to spend time with me. So, in this instance, when I sensed upon meeting him that there was no chemistry between us, it would have been worse for me to continue wasting his time.
3. I've finally reached the point where I've realized I'm tired of women (in general) feeling like growing a pair of lady balls will be confused with being a bitch. That's the same kind of shitty, shitty thinking that has caused me to sit through far worse dates (I once sat through a date where the dude, upon hearing he'd knew my then hairdresser, joyfully replied, "Oh yeah, I totally fucked her!" Ew, Tool), or continue to see boys who were less than kind to me, or to even, as Erika mentioned, order a salad instead of a giant bowl of pasta.
Because ladies are taught when it comes to dating that we have to put up with a lot of frogs in order to find our prince. Not only is that a steaming pile of Disney movie shit, it also makes us compromise on what we are feeling or thinking in a given moment because we are the "fairer sex" and must be a sweet buffer to the cavemen-like tendencies of men.
I can't tell you how many times some drunk dude has tried to grope me or a friend in a bar, and when I say firmly--reminder, AFTER BEING GROPED--"Do not touch me, please," I am called a bitch 98% percent of the time. (The other 2% actually do walk away, hands raised as if, "Whaaa? I totally didn't even know that was your ass!" Hello, have you seen this thing? Please.)
Well today, I call an end to this tomfoolery. Ladies, if you are on a bad date, and you are not having a great time, if he's awful, or if you don't feel like you can hork down a plate of pasta without judgment, then leave. You don't have to be a jerk about it, but you can politely say thanks, pay for your portion, and leave. No harm done. And it's a far easier conversation to have now than after the date if/when he leans in for some Frenching.
It's not "bitchy" to do so, and in fact, I think it's a kinder option.
And of course...bring on the comments now about how women are too damn picky, and it's so hard to be a dude and whatnot and asking girls out is stupid because all they want is money and nice shoes and a provider. Please, please bring those on, because I'd like to take a moment to ask you politely to grow your own pair. Because, clearly, I'm not advocating that women get up and leave a date if some dude happens to hold his fork funny. What I am advocating for is that women really learn to trust their guts, use their noggins better and then not apologize for doing those two things. And also, to demand the best for themselves. Period.
My two cents.