Give Fear the Finger

Dudes, I'm kind of a mess right now.

And I say that in full self-awareness, even though I think I'm pretty good at hiding my messiness. I have to constantly remind myself that the last few months have held a ridiculous amount of change for me. It'll take a while to fully settle into my new normal.

I hate that.

I want to be "normal" now. I KNOW there are things to learn. I know that in relationships, dating, and even with my dreams and aspirations, I'm clearly making the same mistakes over and over and over again. I want to know what those mistakes are NOW, and not knowing? Makes me kind of paranoid. And then I do/say stupid things.

I also hate doing/saying stupid things. And I hate not being perfect (goddamn Virgo whatnot), which really, is what most of this boils down to.

Actually, what it really boils down to is fear.

Fear that I'll fail without a partner.

Fear that I can't really do it all, despite systems, and will, and talent.

Fear that they're all laughing at me, instead of with me.

Fear that my best won't be good enough (e.g. that my first grade teacher was wrong).

Fear that I'll keep repeating the same bad patterns, and always achieving the same mediocre results (the definition of insanity?).

Here's the shitty part about fear...fear will always prevent you from doing the shit you need to get done. Keep you from jumping off that ledge into something better. Leave you stuck and miserable in relationships that take and never give, keep you from your full potential, always leave you saying, "I'll get to that someday." Fear ensures you'll always be waiting for your big break instead of making it happen, that you'll stay stunted in your current emotional state, or that really? You'll never truly get what you want.

Fear sucks, yes. It's life's giant roadblock. It's what keeps you from being the "youest you" you can be. Fear makes us small, ensures that we will always feel lonely, keeps us in when we should be out. Fear keeps us second guessing ourselves two steps ahead of the game (or even second guessing our pasts), when we should really be living in the moment.

So, with a little inspiration from The Middle Finger Project, I'd like to take a moment to tell my fear to back the fuck off. Er, down. Or...just go away. Yeah. Suck it, fear. I refuse to let fear control my life, and to keep me the same as I always was. I want to be able to say, with consistency,"I'm going for it, no matter what."

Well, that sort of feels better. Hmph. I'm guessing this telling my fear to suck it thing will take practice.

Wanna practice with me? Feel free to tell your fear to suck it in  the comments. We're all friends here, right? So share away. What's got you scared? What fears do you need to give the finger to?