Dear Red: The One

Dear Red,

I have a question for you. Beware, this question will lead to several others.

Do you believe that we all have ONE true love? You know..."The One"?

Sincerely,

Just Wondering

Dear Just Wondering,

No.

Love,

TNR

...

...

HAHA, JUST KIDDING! I mean, I totally don't believe in "The One," but I'll give you a more detailed answer than that.

I actually believe in two kinds of love:

1. Right person

2. Right timing

Right Person

I do think that some people believe in "The One" because they have found him or her. My grandparents, for example, met each other while on a double date with other people. Two months later, they were married. They just celebrated their 64th wedding anniversary this past Christmas. I've heard stories from other people where eyes met, and there was instant passion and connection. Or, stories where people just keep finding each other after years apart. I'm sure those people all believe in the potential for "The One."

But I think these stories are the exception, and not the rule. And I think holding out and hoping you'll find "The One" is not only unrealistic, it sets people up to ignore really great potential mates because they're waiting for some sort of sign, white horse, or fireworks. They buy Disney movie lie, if you will.

Right Timing

I think the rule is that we are often certain people at certain times, and we meet certain people in those certain times. My high school boyfriend was a sweet guy, but not one I'd typically be interested without the surrounding timing and circumstances (he was older, he was my friend's brother, etc. I was also fourteen and still watched cartoons on the regular. Hey...I was a late bloomer.). The ex (fka The Boyfriend) and I would have never dated had we met four months earlier. Hell, we probably wouldn't have dated had we met four weeks earlier. But for some reason, when we met, it was the right time. I was ready to see where a relationship would take me, and I was ready to date not-a-douchebag. We fit each other's bill, if you will.

The timing was perfect...but we weren't "The One" for each other. (I guess, if we're getting technical...after my failed marriage, he was "The Two." And now whoever the NEXT Mr. Ex-Naked-Redhead is will be..."The Three?" Hmmm...)

In fact, I think most of us are destined to find several people throughout our lives where, damn, the timing is just right. And those people will come and go, they will enrich our lives, help change us, and yeah...they might not be there "'til death" but, as one commenter on an earlier post mentioned, why is "'til death" the ultimate milestone? Some people can be together for years and hate each other, but they made it "'til death." Pretty sure that's not really love...

(...and that's where, as you mentioned, this question leads to several others, especially on commitment, marriage, etc.)

But anyway, I think I answered your first question, or at least gave you my opinion on it.

So, no...I don't believe in "The One" for me or most people. But I can't deny that some believe they find "The One." And I definitely don't believe that the love a person shares with "The One" is somehow a greater love than "Not The One" type of love. It's just different, and by gum, it's just damn lucky.

Love,

TNR

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