Life Lesson #2: Things You Can't Fix

This is a new series wherein I chronicle life lessons I should have learned a long time ago but didn't. So now I'm writing them, for the public, in order to increase my chances of not forgetting this time, dammit.

They are written as though I am talking to myself, well, because I am.

You try your hardest to be an empathetic person.

You are not always good at this.

Sometimes you watch Hoarders and you get really impatient with the Hoarders because WHY CAN'T THEY UNDERSTAND THAT 37 DEAD CATS=BAD and then you feel bad that you felt that way toward them because they only wanted to feed the cats and their poor brains can't understand that with so many cats, why is Fluffy missing now, oh well here is another one that looks exactly like Fluffy, and Fluffy is probably just taking a long nap underneath that pile of old newspapers and rotten pumpkins. Silly Fluffy.

It's probably good that you feel bad about being impatient, because you know, disorders and stuff.

So that's when you go back to real life and think to yourself that bad behavior in someone is a result of their own personal pain and hardship, and you try to be forgiving of bad behavior because that's how you hope someone would treat you if you were hurting.

But here's the thing, Self: some people are just broken.

Because of their brokenness, they will make bad decisions, repeatedly. They will say or do malicious, hurtful things, because that is the nature and reality of their brokenness. And sometimes, you'll get caught up in that...and no amount of empathy or forgiveness or patience on your part will make their behavior change.

It's not about you, you know.

You can't fix everyone just by being nice or by adopting an air of understanding. Sometimes it's okay to walk away if their brokenness begins to affect you adversely.

And let's be honest, some people not only don't want to be fixed (or hell, even know they need fixing), they definitely don't want to be fixed by you.

It doesn't mean you've failed, or that you could have done anything differently. It's okay to dust your hands off and say, "Not my problem."

(Of course, you could probably stand to be a little less prideful of your own "I-got-it-togetherness" in these sort of situations. But that's a lesson for another day.)

So just remember...it's okay to not be able to fix things that are broken. No. Really. It is.

Now back to watching Hoarders.

Photo credit

Life Lesson #1: Three Coats of Primer

Linkapalooza: Unicorn Lasers and Kitten Loves Puppy

This week's unicorn installment:

A little bit on polyamory in a conservative area of Germany (random? Yes. But it's pretty much why I love my Google Alerts. :))

Every time a dating site succeeds in making a match, it loses two users. What Zoosk is doing to keep users with the service even after they're dating.

Five ways to get back to dating basics.

"Men need to learn the art of gentle teasing if they want to be successful in how to attract women." Haha, okay.

Study: getting back with your ex will not make you happy.

Ex-husband gets choice of jail...or Facebook apology. Whuck?

Aaaaand, the true meaning of Facebook's "in a relationship."

Kate Gosselin on dating as a single mom...of EIGHT. (Holy shitballs.)

One blogger says divorce can make life better.

Oh, just call it what it is, Reese Witherspoon: "Facebook Stalking."

Sleeping puppy gets bath from kitten (you're welcome):

Kitten loves puppy:

Kitten still loves puppy...with surprise ending:

Happy Friday, folks! :)

Life Lesson #1: Three Coats of Primer

This is a new series wherein I chronicle life lessons I should have learned a long time ago but didn't. So now I'm writing them, for the public, in order to increase my chances of not forgetting this time, dammit.

They are written as though I am talking to myself, well, because I am.

Life Lesson #1: Don't ever paint a room a color that can't be covered with one coat of primer.

This includes the shade "raspberry" that you thought would be nice and girly in your bedroom. Yes, the color was painted as a form of rebellion against the bad relationship decisions you'd been making. And yes, it did a nice job of covering up what the former renter had slopped on the walls ("grape").

But there is nothing "girly" about cursing like a 48 year old male sailor after the third--THIRD!!-coat of primer still didn't do the trick of providing adequate coverage. You also didn't SMELL girly since you spent the better part of two days sweating it out amongst horrid paint fumes.

And let's not even get started on your hair.

My darling self, you know have better things to do with your time, like watching another episode of Downton Abbey, walking your dogs, or feeling guilty for watching another episode of Downton Abbey instead of walking your dogs.

Lesson learned.

Linkapalooza: I HAVE RETURNED!

Hot damn, did I ever wake up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. But no matter! There are wonderful links to be found all across this great green Interwebs of ours.

First, of course, we begin with unicorns. So many of you shared these with me, it'd be a shame if I didn't post 'em. That's right, Unicorn Poop Cookies.

And then my friend Mike shared this Unicorn Valentine with me:

And then Karyl shared this thing that Corgis like:

See? I couldn't possibly stay mad at the entire universe after that.

Onward!

For those of you using Spotify, Obama dropped a campaign playlist. It's pretty good!

This story made me smile. This is EXACTLY how someone should feel when adopting a dog.

And speaking of dogs, new research shows that men will do better in relationships where they share positive feelings about their significant other's pet. For reals. (I can identify with this...one dude I saw for a minute got broken up with after he met my dog and immediately banished my pup to the garage. I mean, the dude was a jerk anyway, but that was the last straw.)

More dog stuff: this shelter did an adoption "speed dating" event. Which is, of course, adorbs.

OK, done with the dogs. So! If you love interior design, and you're not reading Emily Henderson's blog (she's the star of HGTV's Secrets from a Stylist), you should. She's charming, is a master of her craft, and knows how to wield a good turn of phrase. And you should especially read this sweet entry about Valentine's Day.

This author asks, "Is there ever a good divorce?"

Why didn't he call? A new dating website lets you ask that very question. (PS--Sorry, I'm not sure I'd want to know.)

The other day when I shared some of my YouTube crushes, one of you shared this one with me. How is she the sweetest ever, and can teach such filthy things?!?! LOVE.

And don't even get me started on this guy. How to Look Like Ryan Gosling:

Happy Friday, friends!

Life (and Love) is a Funny Thing

"If you would have told me two years ago, 'You will be happier than you've ever been in your life, but you will be living is a 112-year-old farm house . and you will be a full-time farmer . married to your high school sweetheart who you haven't seen in 10 years,' I would have said, 'You're crazy."

I loved this story of a couple who run and own a CSA in Tennessee.

Just goes to show you that the life you're building now may not be the life you end up with in 10 years. To me, that's a comforting thought...not that I don't like my life now, or that I totes want to become a farmer married to a former male model (you know, whatevs) but I like how it speaks to the fluidity of our existence. There is more yet to come, and it might be completely different than we expect.

It's just funny how life works, eh?

I Told you So (Also, Brokenhearted)

I've been under the weather for the last few days (read: a disgusting, mucous-filled, terrfying, hacking beast), so, of course, it's been the perfect opportunity to catch up on the Interwebz.

I was able to catch one of my favorite YouTube sensations, Karmin, on SNL (via Hulu), and I gotta say, I'm a little obsessed. Thank you, Karmin. You all roooocckkk.

Other YouTubers I have a slight crush on: Julia Nunes

You?

Why I Don't Do Valentine's Day

Well, this about sums it up.

Happy Valentine's Day, foiks! May yours be sweet and uncomplicated.

Paul, The Male Matchmaker

Take that, Patti Stanger.(Ah-MAZING)

Imagine Differently

There is a sense, in any type of relationship with potential (new friends, new mentors, new lovers), of hope for something. I don't think we work through exactly what we're hoping for, but it's there.

With all hope, there is a sense that we must let go. Be vulnerable. Protect ourselves, sure, but not too much. Open ourselves, but not so much as to frighten someone with the depths of our emotion or being. Our "crazy", if you will.

We are conditioned to add a shrug to each of these vulnerabilities and say, pretending to not care, "What's the worst that could happen?" And then use that statement to imagine "the worst."

Maybe part of growing up is to begin to learn to ask ourselves instead, "What's the best that could happen?"

I've asked myself that question exactly twice in the last five months.

I'll just say that learning to imagine the best instead of the worst makes a difference. And you might like how life will challenge and surprise you for it.

Maybe you think this is all a little deep for TNR, or a little over-the-top for a Monday. Eh, I've had a lot of coffee.

Dear Red, er, Paul Rudd

Boob! Boys! Underwear! Paul Rudd answers questions from teenage girls for Rookie Mag. Need I say more? I think not.

Ask a Grown Man With Paul Rudd from Rookie on Vimeo.