Chris Brown: Who Deserves What?
Wednesday, September 2, 2009 at 10:33PM
As I browsed Twitter this evening, it appeared that many were looking forward in anticipation toward Chris Brown's interview on Larry King. Comments ranged from those who claimed to still be fans, to those who were horrified that he'd still be allowed on television. And yet others spoke about how Rihanna probably "deserved" what she got, with still others responding in rage to those comments.
I'm here to say...she really might have deserved what happened to her. She may have been being a horrid bitch, and she may have even called him a fuck-wad and made fun of his tiny, ever-present molester mustache. It's definitely a possibility that she was drunk and whiney...in fact, I've met many women, men, children, parapalegics and senior citizens who DESERVE to be smacked in the mouth for some reason or other.
However...the difference between me and other decent people vs. people like Chris Brown is that we don't deliver the comeuppance that people really deserve. I was once sexually harassed by a man in a wheelchair, and despite his handicap, I really, really wanted to pop him in the nose. But I didn't, because at the end of the day, no matter who deserves what, I gotta keep it in check, because I'm a human and a functioning member of society, so guess what? I don't get to just beat whomever I feel like beating. I'm not the law, so I don't get to make the call on someone's judgement and final sentence.
Do I think Chris Brown deserves another chance...maybe. Do I think his actions should be forgotten? Not at all. But do I think people should excuse his actions because his girlfriend might have DESERVED having her head bashed into a car window? No. Absolutely not. We all deserve a swift kick now and then, and we should all be grateful that most people have the self-control to hold off.
My two cents...
UPDATE: I was a little flippant in this post. I understand that. Honestly, I was trying to be a little glib in order to show the ridiculousness in the statement that anyone "deserves" violence. I didn't, however, say it very well, nor did I clarify some of my baser points. So, instead of going through and fleshing out each idea, or trying to defend what I was really trying to say, please read Analiese's comment in the comments section...she rocks it out, friends, and basically lends a little gravity to what is a very serious situation.
(Although, I must say, I WOULD really like a cookie for not hitting the man in the wheelchair. He was disgusting...and I also like cookies.)
Reader Comments (6)
Sorry, but no one ever "deserves" domestic violence. And before you correct me on the intention of your post - I *understand* that you are not in any way supporting Chris Brown or condoning what happened to Rihanna. Yes, you are correct in saying that most people are able to control their violent urges even when provoked (um...ok, did you want a cookie for not attacking a man in a wheelchair?), and of course, that's a good thing. But to say that Rihanna "really might have deserved what happened to her" perpetuates the idea that victims of domestic violence could have prevented the violence if only they had changed their own behavior. It's an extremely dangerous idea to perpetuate because women in abusive relationships often stay in them because they have been manipulated by their abuser to believe the violence is their own fault and that if only they tried harder to please the abuser, then the abusive episodes wouldn't happen. It also supports the misogynistic cultural perception that abused women probably "deserved" what they got by being a "bitch," being "annoying, "drunk," or what have you. If you follow your reasoning to the logical conclusion, aren't you are saying that these things are deserving of abuse, but luckily (hopefully? maybe?) it doesn't happen because most people are law-abiding citizens? (Does that mean the police, who represent "the law," should be allowed to give these women what they "deserve"? Or a judge? How about in some parts of the Middle East, where the law doesn't address things like domestic violence? Would it be ok in that situation since it doesn't break with the law or societal norms?)
And, have you even read the police report? http://www.mwza.com/chris-brown-police-report-rihanna-police-report/
If you've read it, then you know that this was not a little smack upside the head, of the kind that you say "many women, men, children, parapalegics and senior citizens" deserve from time to time. This was a horrific, brutal beating, with the intent to cause physical harm and possibly even death if it had continued further.
Now I'm sure you didn't mean to imply that you believe Rihanna (and millions of other abused women) somehow deserve the abuse they are subjected to, but I hope you at least add an edit of some kind to this post clarifying your stance, if in fact I have misread it. I'm really just trying to play devil's advocate and make you think about the implications of your words.
By the way, I'm not a troll...I'm a fan and loyal reader of yours. I look forward to hearing your response.
Analiese, thanks for your thoughtful comment. I definitely agree that there are holes in my little rant. I guess I was just trying to explain that I don't think all violence is unprovoked, and yes, I was trying to be a little controversial (I blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol).
I think it's a really good point in saying that a change in bad behavior wouldn't necessarily mean that someone wouldn't be beaten. My point in writing the post was to specifically address the comments on Twitter where people were saying that "the bitch probably deserved it" and that I thought that was a super shitty excuse for being violent.
Anyway, thanks for your comment...a hearty "yes" to what you said. I was trying to be somewhat flippant (glib, even?) toward the situation in order to show the inherent ridiculousness in saying that someone "deserves" a beating. You said it better, though.
Hey there Red! I totally point. Sometimes our behaviour is worthy of a smack (not a beating, but a smack, the kind that "wakes" you up for acting all assholly. And I agree with Analiese in that sometimes we write or say things that perpetuate the behaviour (especially some suckers at Twitter). I think that we should all boycott a-holes (whether they are women, men, paraplegics, or whatever), if they act the way Chris Brown did (and a gentle smack to Rihanna for removing the order or protection was it? .... I'm not saying she deserves or needs to be beaten, but someone should have said, "girl, get your act together, what kind of message are sending when you try and get the charges dismissed or whatever to all your fans who might themselves be in a similar situation?). Good post Red (and good comment Analiese).
Thanks so much for your thoughtful reply. Hopefully my comment didn't sound too confrontational. (I am re-reading it and it is a bit "Whoa!")
Re-reading your post and taking your response to my comment into consideration, I can see how you were being flippant to prove your point about the inherent ridiculousness in saying that someone "deserves" a beating. Read from that angle, it makes more sense to me.
The day after the news about Rihanna broke, someone on my Facebook feed had a status like "is glad that dumb bitch got beat in the jaw so he won't have to hear her terrible singing anymore." It really pissed me off, so I can totally understand lashing out at the inane Twitter-ers by parodying their logic.
Count me among your loyal readers still. Ha, and yes you can totally have a cookie!
I feel what you're saying here. My hubs is teaching a bunch of fifth graders about how to handle their anger, and about how being violent might feel good in the moment but ultimately it doesn't solve any problems. And that's the point. Sure, violence can be provoked or an almost reflex response to anger. But that doesn't make it okay, which is what you're saying.
Dude is a douche in my book, as is Michael Vick, but hey? When did being an evil master of violence and terror stop a celebrity from making a buck?
I give you major credit for tolerating the wheel-chair man. I also avoid violence (with extreme effort at times), for 3 main reasons. 1] If I lost it, I would not be as satisfied as ashamed for losing myself to hot-headedness, 2] This solution would undoubtedly add on to the problem (in other words: more dealing with what royally pissed me off in the first place), and 3] I want to be a good example to my two younger sisters (respect takes a long time to build, yo).