What's Your "Deal Breaker"?
Thursday, July 9, 2009 at 8:45AMWhen I first started dating again after my marriage, I quickly found that I had several "deal breakers" when it came to meeting new men.
Here's a partial list of my deal breakers:
-Cannot spell or refuses to take the time to spell words correctly ("u", "ur" or "srsly" are all unacceptable abbreviations for e-mails)
-Messy or dirty apartment/abode with no tangible efforts at cleaning
-Lists Nickelback, Three Doors Down, etc. among favorite bands
-Die-hard conservative mindset--that is, he is so conservative, he refuses to listen to, or cooperate with, other viewpoints (I can handle conservative, or any other viewpoint as long as a person isn't a douchebag about it)
-Quotes Dane Cook or any other comedians as his sole source of comedic repetoire
-Seems intimidated/threatened by strong women, OR women who are funnier than he is
-Does not read books
Now, some might read this list and think, "So picky! What a bitch!" First, here is my middle finger. Second, I think it's important to know at least a short list of traits that would drive you batty. Third, all relationships have "negotiables"...those traits that, sure, are slightly annoying, but don't contribute to an overall personality. BUT, people who can know a few "non-negotiables" for themselves can also save themselves (and someone else) a whole lot of hassle in the future.
What are/were your "deal breakers"?
Reader Comments (15)
Ahhh! I agree with the spelling thing! Drives me nuts.
I agree on the spelling. There is human error and then there is stupidity. Which btw, I'm allergic to.
You covered all the good ones! :)
Deal Breakers:
When dropping me off, drives away before I'm at my front door.
Picks at something (fingers, hair, face) while at dinner or really any other time.
Talks about his sexual preferances on the first date.
Has no manners.
Tears apart my music tastes/opinions. If you do not have enough of an open mind to explore new music before its mainstream, chances are its a negotible, but to insult it or me... deal breaker.
If he thinks wearing a wife beater in public at any time is a good idea, deal breaker.... yes we have hicks here too.
If he's prettier than me.... nope.
I"m sure I have more that have substance, but I'll leave you with that.
Can not wait to hear what everyone else writes.
Haha, wearing a wife beater in public. Hilarious. Also, the sexual preferences on the first date is a little much.
Oo! Here's one I forgot! If you're meeting someone for the first time off of the internet, and they've willfully misrepresented themselves in their profile...deal breaker! I met up with a guy whose profile said one height, and he was EASILY four to five inches shorter than that. I know you're trying to put your best face forward on the interwebz, but c'mon...fudging a little on whether you're "athletic" or whatevs is one thing, but completely misrepresenting who you are? No thanks.
That's hard since I'm coming up on 24 years of marriage.
Um, criminal. That would be one.
Disparaging of my beloved Marine Corps. Two.
Crap... I'd be a pushover, wouldn't I. I totally need to work up some deal breakers.
OMG - online dating is a whole other entry. And I'm your go to expert on that topic.
I've had my share of "shorter/heavier/baleder" than originally said.
Rule No# 1 for online daters EVERYWHERE!
before metting said suitor, have him pop onto webcam with you. No cam? Insist he go to a cafe then.
I will NOT meet anyone who will not get on a webcam with me just once. Anyone can post a picture, but who sows up ... well that is a whole other story.
Two weeks ago, I went on a date. He SAID he was 5'6 (the shortest i can go, and thats pushing it)....
we met up and I'm only 5'2 with flats on... he was shorter than me!!!!!! small man syndrome.
I've had al lot of first dates, not many seconds.
Greatd deal breaker. Misrepresents ones self. Date over.
Funny, I just blogged about this. As a single mom who is divorced after 10 yrs of marriage, I have several dealbreakers.
You can check them out on my blog here - http://rachelcox.blogspot.com/2009/06/one.html
Also, here they are:
The One will think my laughter is contagious. He won't be humiliated when I flake out and make a total fool of myself in public.
The One will think my eyes are swoon-worthy and my knees, delicious.
The One will not fill up with fear at the prospect of meeting my kids. He will feel worthy, honored, and capable.
The One will sing "Rio" with me when I'm anxious.
The One will be entirely captivated at how creative I am, how strong I can be, and how passionate I am about who & what I love.
The One will be in love with Jesus.
The One will be in love with me, for who I am. For what I love, for what I feel.
The One will sit with me at the table while I sew or scrapbook and talk, for hours about nothing at all whatsoever.
The One will find my adoration of pencil skirts and high heels adorable. Especially if I wear them with a necktie or a cowboy hat. To church.
The One will just chuckle when I break into British accent by accident sometimes. Also, The One can handle watching Bridget Jones repeatedly.
The One will leap out of bed in the middle of the night to return my daughter's dropped binky, as if he'd always done it.
The One will make me feel protected and safe - my knight in shining whatever.
The One will fold the kids and I into his life as if we'd always been there.
The One will have the ability to endure hours-long marathons of The Office or The Golden Girls on rainy days and while I'm cooking.
The One will not only see how much I love him by the way I prepare our meals, but he will help me in the kitchen.
The One can bench press my 6 yr old and clean a toilet.
The One will listen to me hypothesize about everything, including my 8 yr old's habit of licking his boogers. Coincidentally, The One will also not cringe when I blog about things like licking boogers.
I will not be able to stop myself from throwing my arms around The One's neck and saying, "I like you, too."
Basically identical to yours. Uncanny!
no samantha, I'm the online dating expert. Ok maybe we should co author a book. I've had the short men, the fat men, the way older men, the married men.
I honestly had one guy that was 30 years (yes 30) older then his picture. Yikes. I had the guy who used his friends picture. I have had so many married men its not funny. Hey a web cam doesn't weed them out!
Honesty thats my deal breaker. Lie to me once and I'm done. I need a man that not only is funny but can have fun. I really value fun.
Probably there are a lot of others but these few are really really important.
Susan
Oh yeah, online dating is its own monster, and I'd say that men misrepresent themselves more than women...hm...tomorrow's topic? :)
Ha - your dealbreakers are totally legit! I'm with you on all of 'em. Others include dirty/long fingernails (I know it's random, but I am just really grossed out by it), poor oral hygiene, incessant use of the word "bro" in conversation (as in "Yo, last night was sick, bro!" or "I'm going to hit the bars with my bros tonight!"), unaware of current events and/or unable to talk intelligently about important political/cultural issues (I'm not asking you to be Walter Cronkite, but you should at least have some clue about what's going on in the world), being unwilling to try new foods/restaurants (and I don't mean Applebee's instead of TGI Friday's), video game addiction (and come to think of it - any kind of addiction), and blatantly gawking at, flirting with, or commenting about other women (I mean I can understand a little lookin' because it's only natural to check out attractive members of the opposite sex in the "whoa...something bright and shiny" sense, but it's when it goes beyond that point that it becomes disrespectful and gross).
1. Red Sox, Yankees, Cowboys, Lakers fan.
2. Consumes beer from a 40.
3. Wears powder blue.
4. Doesn't trim, you know, down there.
5. Bad music taste (like Nickleback and Seether... *shudder*)
6. Is or was a juggalo.
7. Is a vegan or vegetarian. Meat is important to me.
Mine were:
Country boy attitude
Pastels and boat shoes with ridiculously unkempt hair
the phrase "git er done"
Lover of Emo (I tried dating a guy who was into emo once, and it crashed and burned, which he probably relished)
obnoxiously argumentative
Ok ladies, I have to defend *sigh* Nickleback... yup.
Being from my town, I have too.
Not overly proud about it, but hey, they've helped produce a lot of other great musicians with their 604 label.
ok, let the hate mail begin.
Laura, I'm with you (minus the vegetarian/vegan thing), and Erin, I'm totally with you (though I do love me a good emo song every now and again).
Add to those fine lists
1. Has feet that point out when he walks and-
2. Drinks excessively
The sentence "First, here is my middle finger." made me laugh out loud, I love this post. I whole-heartedly agree with the Nickelback/Three Doors Down one, I cannot tolerate terrible taste in music.