The Big, The Bad and The Break-ups
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As one friend recently put it:
Break-ups are like ripping a band-aid off really fast...from your heart.
There is no fun way to break-up, and whether you're the dumper, or the dumpee, it's a super shitty experience.
Now, I don't know if this is a good thing, but I've never been "dumped", at least, not in the official sense of the word. Sure, in the beginning stages of dating, I've had guys stop calling me or tell me, "Er, I'm just really busy at work," but never the old, "It's not you, it's me" stuff. I'm pretty sure that this fact makes me either a) really cool or b) a mega bitch who can't commit. Either way...
What I HAVE had to do, on one occasion, was straight up tell a guy to never call me, speak to me, or contact me in any way ever again (seriously, telling him we weren't dating anymore wasn't quite getting through). That SUCKED. I felt bad, but I also felt like that was the only way to end things. I've also accidentally used the "Let's just be friends" line...and then I actually called myself on it in the conversation. WHICH WAS AWESOME. It went a little something like this:
"Yeah, I'm sorry, this just isn't working for me. I'd like to be friends, holy crap, I can't believe I just said that. Sorry. We don't have to be friends."
Oops.
So, anyway, a few days ago I gave my friend this advice on his break-up, "Don't be nice, and don't be mean. Mean is awful, nice is worse."
What do you guys think? Is there a "good" way to break-up? What's the best/worst break-up line you've heard?
Reader Comments (10)
My all time favorite line was: "I just can't make you happy."
Jerk. You could at least effing try! :)
Yeah, those are the worst kind...the ones that totally put all the responsibility on you in a completely roundabout way. What a tool...looks like you're the winner in the end, though! :)
Let's see ... I've had the "it's not you, it's me thing." The worst one was when my former from college emailed me (I couldn't bear the pain of calling him, or the guilt trip I'd have knowing that I'd cried on the phone) after I emailed him telling him that we were officially over (we'd been going long distance for about 6 months). He'd been telling friends from college that we were over but didn't have the nerve or the interest of saying it to my face. In his email he went on saying how I'd been the first true love of his life ... and two weeks after he was dating a classmate of ours, supposedly he'd always had the hots for her but never even acknowledged it to me ... oh that sucked. Anyways, those have been the worst lines ever, delivered by the same guy on two different occasions.
I've only had one serious relationship before the one I'm currently in. I did the dumping. And I felt horrible. There was a time I thought he was the one, but we were young and dumb and eventually I realized it clearly was not going to work. He'd had his heart broken in high school and that always made me feel a little trapped, like I couldn't do that to him again because I really wasn't sure he'd survive ANOTHER devastating heart break. After waiting way too long to finally make the decision and stick to it, I guess I eased into the break up with just a "break". I told him I needed to date other people, because I couldn't marry the first guy I ever dated. Luckily we didn't live in the same city, and after several nights of him calling and crying, we finally agreed it was best not to talk anymore. Even though I felt horrible, I also felt incredibly free and relieved. It was hard, but also the best decision I ever made.
I like your advice, I know personally, I almost would prefer them to be mean, when they are nice...yeah, that sucks. I've had all the lines and I have used a couple myself. Breaking up really sucks.
I think that "relief" is one of the weirdest, mixed emotions in the world. It feels so good, but it's usually paired with such raw hurt, it's not like you can actually feel "good" about it. But yeah, I've totally been there.
Don't be mean and don't be nice is probably the best advice I could have given. I've been on both sides, and being friends, being nice is just not right. People need space for a while.
I was only ever dumped twice (that's proof of my dating inexperience, not my personal awesomeness). I cried for like a day with the first one. But then I remembered that I was going to break up with him but my bestie counseled me to wait until after my birthday. So I would still get a present. That a-wipe dumped me BEFORE my birthday. Seems that our 16-year-old minds were on at least one same wavelength.
The second one was the "I don't love you anymore" (read: "I never really did love you, I just said it because I'm emo and dramatic"). That sucked. But mostly because he was a soul parasite, not because he broke up with me. Wow that was way harsh.
Haha, "Soul Parasite" is the best term I've heard all day. :)
Soul Par•a•site (n): One that feasts off the emotional distress of others in an effort to fill the void in the Soul Parasite's soul.
Example: Anthony DiMeo III succumbed to a Soul Parasite's ruthless tongue lashing on the Tucker Max Message Board and is now a legal precedent.